Seven Irritating Things About "Noah"
by Jeff Reed
I went to see the movie “Noah” last Friday. I have always liked the history of Noah and the ark. The true meaning is one that a Christian can identify with because we are in many ways like Noah. I have a Tom Dubois print of Noah’s Ark named “Celebration” hanging in my office. I chose this particular painting specifically because I wanted a realistic depiction of Noah’s Ark. I was tired of all the pictures that portrayed the event as a nursery school story or some type of fairytale. So it may be obvious why I would not like this movie. But to be honest, if I were not a Christian I would still not recommend this movie. It is an action adventure fantasy film that is pretty mediocre and full of movie clichés. Other than the special effects the movie is pretty bad. Here are the 7 things that irritated me the most:
1. Noah in the movie isn’t righteous.
Genesis 6:9 tells us that Noah was a “righteous man” and that he “walked with God.” There is nothing in the movie to indicate that Noah understood any of God’s commandments. He did nothing to show love to his neighbor or to God. In the movie Noah displays the characteristics of a sociopath.
2. Rock Monsters.
The movie has a race of fallen angels that look like rock monsters. They look reminiscent of Ray Harryhausen stop motion creatures from “Clash of the Titans.” They help Noah build the ark and fight the hordes of humanity who attack the ark when the flood begins. When they make their first appearance is when the movie begins its rapid descent into full stupidity.
3. The movie doesn’t justify why humanity was totally evil.
The movie wants us to believe that humanity is evil because they look evil. They are dressed in dark dirty clothing and reminded me of the generic apocalyptic people we constantly have seen in movies since “The Road Warrior.” I was actually expecting to see a scene where a few of them were standing around a burning trash can they were so clichéd. No mention of what sin is was made in the film.
4. The Creator doesn’t give Noah a clear mission.
Noah is left to figure out what to do from a dream and a drug induced vision. He doesn’t seem totally sure of his mission. At one point in the film he thinks that he needs to kill his newborn granddaughters because he thinks the Creator doesn’t want any humans to survive. Noah isn’t quite sure because the Creator never gives him clear instructions. The truth is that God always give mankind clear instructions of exactly what he expects of us.
5. Noah is a Kung Fu master.
Enough said.
6. Methuselah lives in a cave.
More ridiculous movie clichés. He is portrayed as the wise wizard who has nothing better to do than to sit around a barren cave and give the protagonist ambiguous advice and exposition about his mission. Yes. It is that type of movie.
7. The movie turns a real historical event into a fantasy.
Noah’s Ark and the Flood were real events that are documented thoroughly in history. This movie tries to be like “Harry Potter” or “Lord of the Rings.” It is full of magic. There is a magic seed that grows a forest in a couple of minutes. A magic snake skin. Magic potions. Magic rocks. These are all used by Noah and his kin. The Bible clearly says that “ Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you” (Deuteronomy 18:12.)
I suggest skip the movie and read the book.