by Mike James

A January 2020 poll of more than 1,300 US adults finds that about one-third (32%) of US adults say their ideal relationship is non-monogamous.

Millennials (those born between 1981 and 1996) (43%) are particularly likely to say their ideal relationship is non-monogamous, though an equal percentage (43%) of Millennials say that their ideal relationship is entirely monogamous.

According to YouGov data, when asked in September 2016 about their ideal relationship, 61 percent said it would be completely monogamous. In January 2020, that number dropped slightly to 56 percent.

With these statistics in mind, it is not surprising that Ethical nonmonogamy (ENM) is growing in popularity. ENM is defined as members of a couple agreeing to have more or additional sexual partners.

It is interesting they name this "ethical." In other words, it is ethical because all the participants are in agreement with the lifestyle. The Bible warns us about following our own desires and feelings (Isaiah 5:20-21; Romans 1:18-23).

Some young adults are on to the deception. Claire Travers states in an article on this trend that the use of the word "ethical" is trying to mask the reality of the situation. In other words, non-monogamy is inherently unethical. God created sex to work under certain conditions. When you experience it outside of those conditions, you are opening yourself up to problems.

Some argue the word "ethical" must be used due to the shame and judgment society might place on this activity. But I think there is more to it than that. Maybe those who want to participate in this want to distinguish it from unethical monogamous relationships where partners have cheated on each other. So now there can be a debate on which lifestyle is truly better. Some believe honesty in intimacy is better than dishonesty.

Sex is an intimate activity. The moment you begin to add more than two people to the mix, something psychologically negative may result. There is a reason God wanted one man for one woman (Matthew 19:4) when it comes to human relationships and sexuality. Adding more people into the mix can easily lead to jealousy, envy, and several other psychological issues.

As we lose sight of the importance of family, real love (I Corinthians 13), and the reason God created us, we will continue to move into areas humans were not designed for.

More than a fifth of single American adults have engaged in ENM. This is according to a study in 2017 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. The Journal of Sex Research found that Google searches for "polyamory" and "open relationships" rose from January 2006 to December 2015.

"The social stigma around alternative sexualities has been slowly but surely waning over the last decade, with more positive media representation than ever," says Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D., who teaches human sexuality at New York University.

Vrangalova also added, "Dating apps make finding multiple partners easier than ever."

I find it interesting that the Internet age (post-1995) has been both a blessing and a curse on society. We all have more knowledge and information available for learning and growing, but that information can also be used for things that go against God's way of life.

Kids are influenced by what they see, hear and read. Since many are no longer reading their Bibles, an increase in "positive media representation" of ENM will lead to an increase of it.

Younger kids, through the means of smartphones and computers, are being exposed to things that, when I grew up, kids did not have any idea about.

Listen to what so-called experts are saying about this subject. Justin Lehmiller, Ph. D., a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and a member of the Men's Health advisory panel, says, "What the research shows is that people in monogamous and consensually non-monogamous relationships have similar levels of relationship satisfaction and commitment."

Imagine teenagers and young adults reading an article quoting these so-called experts. Since our teens and young adults are less influenced by parents who believe in the Bible – these young people will get it in their mind that having numerous sexual partners is normative.

If there is no standard like the Bible to help us figure out what to do, we will do what others are doing. History is littered with the bad ideas of humans. ENM is just recycling another one.

Sources: "More Couples Are Ditching Monogamy (and You Can, Too)," by Suzannah Weiss, Men's Health, December 6, 2021, https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a38439469/polyamory-open-relationships-swinging/

"One-Third of Americans Say Their Ideal Relationship is Non-Monogamous," by Jamie Ballard, YouGov America, January 31, 2020, https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2020/01/31/millennials-monogamy-poly-poll-survey-data

"Why You Should Drop the 'e' in Ethical Non-Monogamy," by Claire Louise Travers, May 28, 2021, Medium, https://clairelouisetravers.medium.com/why-you-should-drop-the-e-in-ethical-non-monogamy-32069e129df1